So what do I know about this topic since I do not have a special needs child? As a pediatric private duty registered nurse of 27 years I've seen first hand how having a special needs child can affect your relationship. Having a child period can affect your relationship. Before your child came home it was just you and your significant other and/or other children without special needs. It was easier for you to make time for each other. Once your special needs child came home your priorities changed or shifted focus. So what happened to your relationship? Did it become number two and what about you? Where did you end up in the mix? I will be discussing 3 ways how having a special needs child can affect your relationship and ways to make it stronger.
1. Finding quality time to spend with one another.
With all the care that comes with a special needs child your day can be pretty full. The feedings, medications, Dr's appointments, nurses, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists and the list goes on and on. You can barely find time for yourself. Yet, you and your significant other need to keep the flames burning. So how do you do that? Well, like all the appointments your child has you could try to put in your calendar to make some time for your relationship. Of course, you could schedule date nights either weekly or monthly. But I'm proposing at least 30-60 minutes a day of time just for each other. It could be eating a meal together, watching tv, listening to music, sitting on the couch and just talking about nothing. You decide what to do with your time but phones down and no talk of the kids or bills. Just time for the two of you to reconnect. A daily check in if you will.
2. How the stress of everything can cause unnecessary arguments.
All couples argue over one thing or another. That's normal. But having a special needs child can make you more stressed and easily irritated and angered. The lack of sleep can also increase stress levels and make you more prone to argue over very little. So how can we help fix this? Well first off, both of you need to get more sleep. I know that's easier said than done. But it's so important for your health and emotional well-being. Think of some ways that you can get even 30 minutes more sleep a day. Journaling about your feelings also helps to get them out of your system so that you are not so quick to explode. Talking about your feelings and your stressors can go a long way. It's also important not to let issues fester. When something comes up try to deal with and resolve it as soon as possible. Don't let stress end up hurting your once loving relationship.
3. When one person feels unloved or unappreciated.
Being a parent of a special needs child is already a thankless job. And not feeling loved or appreciated by your significant other can make it even harder. You are in this together and hopefully each of you have certain roles to fill. A kind word or simple gesture of love and appreciation can go a long way. A note on the fridge or mirror saying you are a wonderful mom or dad can make the other persons day. Doing a task for the other person; like making dinner, giving your little one a bath or even taking over a Dr's appointment can mean so much. Everyone can use a break every now and then from their set roles. Even a special gift and card can make the other person feel so special and loved. There are so many ways to achieve this feeling. Use you imagination and watch how the other person will feel more loved and appreciated.
I hope I have given you some useful ways to help grow your relationship and make it stronger. The smallest getsure can seem huge when your stress and overwhelmed feelings are at an all time high. You know the saying, "Happy Spouse, Happy House" I actually have that plaque hanging in my house. Also, remember you get out of any relationship what you put into it. So be generous with the one you love and shower them with kindness. If you'd like more ways and ideas on how to help your relationship become stronger please reach out to me. I'd love to be a small part of your journey to a more loving and healthy relationship.
Your Nurse Life Coach,
Nadege
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